Not Mohawk

“Anong gupit?” asked the gay-barbero.
“Gusto ko kasi yung manipis sa gilid tapos parang mohawk na sa gitna na lang na medyo spiky-spiky,” I told him. I was really looking forward to this haircut as this is the cut before my birthday.

After the long process of snipping, combing, spraying, shampooing and blow-drying, he asked, “Ok na?”
Since I have removed my eyelasses I wasn’t able to see the result right then and there. So when I wore back my glasses, I guess he saw my reaction He made it military! Not Mohawk! , he immediately said, “Hindi kasi pwede sa’yo ‘yung gusto mo kasi malaki ang mukha mo.”

Wow! Di ko na nga nakuha yung gusto kong gupit nasabihan pa akong malaki ang mukha.

The hairstyle that is not suitable to guys with big faces.

 

Magyakagan

When my friends and I decided to hang out one weekend night, we all roamed around Al-Ghurair City, one mall here in Dubai. It was getting late but we have decided to just do our window shopping round the mall because no one wants to direct everyone in a coffee shop.
“Ano? kape tayo?” asked Ronald.
“Oy! Nagyayakag si Ronald,” screamed Gab. Gab was quoting our group’s rule: Whoever asks for it has to treat. It being a fancy resto, hang out in a coffee shop or do any unusual stuff.
“Hindi! Hindi! Huwag na.” Ronald screamed.
I answered, “Shuhada! Ayaw magyakag pero ayaw maghiwa-hiwalay.”

 

Beef Mushroom

“Sige, magluluto ako ng Beef Mushroom sa birthday mo,” Gab offered for my birthday.
“Anong ingredients!?” asked Ronald.
“Ummmm…. Pork saka sitaw?” I told Ronald.
“Shuhada!”

 

Narnian Bathroom

Back in Hong Kong, we decided to check in a cheap hotel since we only need to stay there for a night ( and all day outside).
I told Mico, Annie and Me-an that I’ll go first in the bathroom.
Since it’s a cheap hotel, the bathroom ain’t that big. Actually, one can barely move inside. There’s a small sink, next to a bowl and a small space to stand in between (to take a shower).
Since shower is a privilege denied on a Dubai summer, I really enjoyed it. I sang my heart out and I’m sure they can hear me outside the bathroom.

After me, Mico followed suit. He was shocked at the space.
“Akala ko malaki!” he complained.
I laughed, he might have imagined I was jumping around inside.
“Pang-Narnia ‘yung CR,” comparing it to the wardrobe that has a whole world inside it.

 

Bad Sapace

Found an ad in Muraqabat Street, Deira, Dubai earlier today.

Two words for you, Mr. Owner: Proof Read

 

Bed Intruder Song

I just found something very funny on the web:

There was this very aggressive interviewee in an American US News Show about an alleged rape attempt:

Due to the brother’s funny comments, somebody remixed the interview into an Auto-Tune Song:

And because of the popularity of the song, it’s currently at No. 89 in Billboard!

Epic!

 

Nostril Hair Elimination

While plucking the overgrown hair from my nostrils, one of our househelp walked into my room. Quite embarrassed I immediately stopped whatever I was doing. Did she see me?

Going downstairs, the maids were hanging on one side of the house. One teasingly screamed, “Koya!… Ano ginagawa mo kanena?! Nagbubunot ka ng bohok sa elong?”

 

Sleep Talkin’ 10: Smart People

After hearing me sleep talk for the first time, our old flatmate, Roda, told us, “Nagsasalita pala talaga si Orlee.”
“Narinig mo?” I asked, “Pasensya na ha? Si Ronald ‘yun,” I denied.
“Gising si Ronald nung narinig ka namin.”
“Ahh ganun ba?” I blushed (blushed?).
“Pero sabi nila, kapag MATALINO raw talaga nagsasalita matulog,” followed Roda.
Ronald immediately interrupted, “Ako, naririnig mo bang magsalita?”
“Hindi eh.”

 

Screaming Nanay

“Tem, kamusta ang nanay?” I asked my sister after my very homesick nanay arrived from the US.
“Ayun! Sigaw ng sigaw! Bigla nya n alang nare-realize na nasa Pilipinas na s’ya. Biglang sumisigaw: Wow! Nasa Pilipinas na ako!!!!”
“Talaga?”
“Oo, kanina nga nasa palengke kami, bigla ba naman sumigaw: ‘Wow! Nasa Pilipinas na talaga ako!’ Habang kinukurot ang sarili n’ya.”

Nanay’s US Days

 

Jade: Room Boy

After moving to a spacious flat, we have noticed that Jade still puts all his stuff on their room: Carpet, couches, paintings and all.
“Sabi ko nga sa kanya, sa labas (salas and dining area) n’ya ilagay eh,” Marish told Ronald and me.
I mockingly told Jade, “Sir? Bahay n’yo rin po ‘yung labas ng room. Pwede rin po kayong maglagay ng gamit dun.”

A very spacious dining area.

I then came to a realization and told Ronald and Marish, “Hayaan na natin. Si Jade ang pinakamatagal dito sa UAE (5 years). Nasanay syang pagkasyahin lahat sa isang room. Di s’ya sanay na may salas at dining area sa labas.”