The Lovely Bones

“Ano ba istorya n’yang Lovely Bones na ‘yan kasi?” asked Ronald and Bing. I dragged them to watch one of my favorite books (now adapted to a movie).
“Ayoko i-spoil,” I answered, “Basta drama.”
“Nye! Ayoko ng drama!” Ronald protested.
“Wala nang magagawa, nakabili na ng ticket.”

After the movie, Bing told me, “Maganda nga s’ya.”
“It delivered ‘di ba?” I answered, “Yung iba d’yan ayaw raw ng drama, pero s’ya pala ang iiyak.”
“Eh sa nakakaiyak eh!” Ronald screamed.
“Ni hindi nga kami naiyak ni Bing eh,” I told him.
“Kaya ayaw n’ya ng drama kasi iiyak s’ya,” Bing added.

 

City of Angels Revisited

My choirmates and I were talking about some movie synopses when we arrived on the Nicholas Cage’s 1998 movie City of Angels.
Mabel shared, “Nakakainis ang ending n’yang City of Angels. After ni Nicholas Cage maging tao, namatay naman si Meg Ryan.”
“Mag-bike ba naman kasi ng naka hands free tapos tumingala eh?” I answered, “Tapos imposible namang di n’ya narinig ang 10 wheeler na truck!?”

Nakakaasar.

 

Surprise Homecoming

Bing just came back from a surprise one week homecoming. Her kids were shocked and happy at the same time.
“Gab, ang saya mag-surprise!” she told Gab. Gab tried it but his father-in-law had a slip of a tongue; hence, Ingrid, his wife, was prepared for his big ‘surprise’ last year.
Ronald also did this to surprise his ex wife, during her birthday.

I am amazed at how these people could pull a surprise homecoming off so I told them, “Ma-try nga rin ‘yang surprise-surprise na ‘yan,” then I told Jules, “Best! Try mo yan kay Ann. Surpresahin mo sya: Ann, nasa Pinas na ako!”
Gab laughed and said, “Nasa Dubai kaya si Ann!”
“Kaya nga,” I answered, “Siguradong ma-su-surprise ‘yun kapag bigla-biglang nasa Pilipinas na si Julius!”

Cast of Characters: Me, Dad, Gab, DJ, Jules, MJ, Ann, Bing, Ronald

 

Wowowee vs Eat Bulaga: Which is Funnier?

Willie interviewing a kid contestant on Wowowee…

Will: Nasan ang nanay mo?
Bata: Nasa bahay po. May sakit po sya.
Will: Talaga? Kamusta na sya?
Bata: Wala nga pong panggamot eh.
Will: Eh ang tatay mo?
Bata: Nanonood po sa bahay.

***

Contestants on Pinoy Henyo…

Guesser: Bagay?
Answerer: Hindi!
Guesser: Sa loob ng bahay?
Answerer: Hindi!
Guesser: Sa kwarto?
Answerer: Hindi!!!!
Guesser: Aparador?
Answerer: Hindi!!!!!!!!!!

 

Pre-Approval

Karma is Real!

I called an accredited hospital earlier today:

“Hello, good afternoon,” the receiver of the call greeted, she sounded Filipina.
“Hello, good afternoon. Kabayan?” I asked.
“Yes, kabayan.”
“Madam, si Orlee po ito ng AFW. Tumawag po ako regarding sa isang kliyente po namin na kailangang mag-pa full medical check up tomorrow sa hospital n’yo. Sabi kasi ng kliyente kailangan ng pre-approval ng Insurance Company, pero nung nakausap ko ang Insurance Company, hindi raw sila mag-a-approve through us, kailangan manggaling ang request from the hospital. Itatanong ko sana kung ang meron kaming kliyente na kumausap sa inyo regarding sa pre-approval ng check up nila. Insurance Department po ba tong tinatawagan ko?”
“Ay, Sir, hindi po dito. Admin to.”
“Nyek. Ang haba ng sinabi ko.”

 

Airing the Laundry

After moving out from our old flat, Ronald and I now live across Burn‘s new flat (over a parking lot and a 4-lane road). We can do Morse code by blinking our room lights.

Me: Maglagay tayo ng dalawang latang may tali!
Ronald: Hello!? Celphone!?

Everyday we would see clothes hanging on Burn’s balcony. It’s as if she doesn’t have time to collect and store them. Ronald said, “Mukhang maraming nakatira sa kanila oh. Di nauubos ang sampay. Mukhang laging may naglalaba.”

When Burn visited us 2 days ago, I told her this and asked her, “Di ba hindi naman? Wala ka lang talagang aparador na pagtataguan ng mga damit?”

 

Fakebook

Bing created a fake facebook account for Burn. She agreed to use it so that she can still connect with friends even on a false name. (Creating a fake account will not be reasoned out here: Ask Burn yourself want to know)

When Burn’s fake birthday came up, everybody told her, “Happy Birthday!”; she just shrugged it off: It’s not her birthday, people!
Bing called her that day, “Birthday mo ba talaga?”
“Ate Bing, Hello!?” she screamed, “Ikaw kaya ang gumawa ng fake kong account?!”

 

Caffeine Overload

I told my choirmate, “Di ako makatulog nung isang araw. Nasobrahan ata ako sa kape.”
“Ilang beses ka ba magkape sa isang araw?” Tina asked.
“Naka-apat ata ako nung araw na ‘yun,” I answered, “Kasi kapag nagtitimpla ng kape ‘yung officemate ko, pag ‘di n’ya naubos, binibigay n’ya sa akin (ayaw n’ya kasi kapag malamig na, eh mas gusto ko kapag malamig). Eh laging nalilimutan n’ya ang kapeng tinitimpla nya: lumalamig. Ayun! 4 na kape!”

Zombie Mode

 

Future Canadian Citizen

Before we moved in in the room that we are currently staying in, one of our future flatmates told us, “Wow! D’yan kayo lilipat? Halos lahat ng tumira d’yan nakapasa sa apply nila sa Canada.”

After that line, I immediately told Ronald, “Naku! Magiging Canadian Citizen na pala tayo!”
“Shuhada!” he screamed, “Wala naman tayong apply sa Canada!”

Here‘s my old future citizenship.

 

Square Canteen Incident

When: Almost a decade ago
Where: Square Canteen, DLSU-Dasmarinas

Me and my college tropa were so hungry that when our orders arrived, we finished it in no more than 5 minutes. HUNGER SATISFIED!
As usual, chitchats were never absent after every meal. We stayed awhile talking about mundane student things.

While chatting with my friends, I overheard from the other table, “Ang tagal naman ng Cheese Omelet ko.”
I told myself, what are the odds that people were craving for the same thing on the same day’, I just had a cheese omelet myself.

When the waitress arrived with a Sizzling Sisig in hand, she kept looking for the table waiting for it.
“Sino kaya umorder ng sisig,” she asked quietly.
A lightbulb immediately lit up in my head. “SIZZLING SISIG ANG ORDER KO!”

I quietly told my friends, “Guys, tara na! Tara na! Mamaya ko na ikukwento basta tara na!” And urgently left square canteen.
“Bakit ba, Orlee?” they asked afterwards.
“Mali ang kinain ko! Hindi ko order ‘yun!”

Them: Laughed so hard
Me: Embarrassed as hell