British English

“Di ko sure kung ma-re-receive ko ‘yung e-mail sa akin ng kausap kong Briton,” I told Zinnia.
“Bakit?” she asked.
“Paano ang sabi n’ya and surname ko raw eh Beldedayra. Di ko sure kung tama ‘yung ise-send n’ya,” I answered, “Nakakaasar ang mga Briton, mali-mali ang English nila. Manong sabihin ng maayos ang mga letters”
She chuckled, “Sila pa ba ang mali? Eh ikaw nga lang ang nanghihiram ng salita nila.”

 

Batang Berdugo 2

I called up Akemi, my niece in Japan, today because it’s her birthday.

“Aki! Happy Birthday!”
“Thank you po, Tito,” she answered.
“Ilang taon ka na?”
“Six.”
“Miss mo na Tito?”
“Opo,” she then followed it up with a few suck up lines, “Kapag namatay nga si Mama, sa’yo ko gusto tumira eh.”
Then I heard my sister in the background, “Put@!#$%! Pinatay mo na agad Mama mo!”

 

Sleep Talkin’ 7: Aswang!

So here’s my room set up in Dubai: one room split into two — one is for bunk bed buddies, Ronald and me while the other half is for Meynard.
Two weeks ago, Meynard’s wife arrived and shared his half. Unfortunately for her she was not orientated that someone (*wink) in the other partition sleep talks.

One night, while she was sleeping cozily beside her husband, she heard a loud scream, “Aswang! Aswang!”
She was so damn scared.

Hahahaha!

 

Dude! Gel Not Water

There’s a public drinking fountain(well wala namang private drinking fountain) in St. Mary’s Church here in Dubai. From the outside it looks stereotypical: made of steel, with 3 faucets and a simple sink.

Hey! What’s that sign? Let’s look closer.

Dude! Water is not a styling product nga naman!

 

Batang Berdugo

John is badly teasing his 2-year old son, Miguel.
So the little boy went straight to his lola, “La! La! Di, Patay,”  Lola, patayin mo si daddy.
Lola wanted to please Miguel so he said, “John-john, alis!”
Miguel screamed, “La, wag lis, patay lang.” Lola, wag mo paalisin. Patayin mo lang.

Batang Hardinero Rin

 

Yo! Tem!

I told my sister, “Tem kain tayo dinner?”
“Kuya, dito na lang sa Karama merong Japanese na mura lang.”
“Naaay! D’yan nanaman? Sa Burjuman na lang tayo,” I suggested a mall near the Dubai Metro station.
“Malayo sa akin ‘yun!” it was 4 blocks away from her place, “Saka may Japanese ba dun?”
“Meron kaya dung Yo! Sushi!” I told her, “Medyo mahal pero yun yung gusto mong sushi na umiikot sa belt.”
“Oh sige dun na lang!”
“Malayo sa’yo ‘yun ‘di ba?”
“Hindi! Malapit lang yun.”

Ang kapatid kong adik sa sushi.

 

Farmer Dad

This really made me laugh:

Mayte’s dad, who’s been living in Spain told her, “Anak, mawawalan kami ng internet bukas. Eto ang password ko, i-harvest mo naman ako. Magtanim ka na rin. Ikaw na ang bahala.”