During last month’s wedding reception, my family’s table was the first to be served at the buffet table.
Since it was a served buffet, servers were assigned to scoop viands for the guests’ plates.
If you were there, you might have heard my sisters saying to the servers, “Hoy, dagdagan mo yung lechon. Kapatid ko yung groom. Nanay ko bumili ng lechon.”
I posted this on Instagram last month,
I’ve put honey instead of caramelized sugar on my soya curd, “TAHO WITH HONEY.”
To which Paula, said, “Ewww healthy.”
After committing to a healthy lifestyle, I had a hard time maintaining that in the Philippines during my 2 week vacation for the wedding.
I shopped for healthy options for me and them: Granola Bars, Honey for sweeteners, Nuts instead of chips and soya milk and fruit juices for soda.
I told Sam (while Tem was there), “Sam, eto mga healthy food ha.”
“Saaaam, eto masarap oh,” Tem answered, “chocolate, sembe, coke, potato chips… yum!”
Sam torn between her morals, “Tito, mas masarap offer ni Tita Tem.”
The devil won.
To make contacts in the address book, Nanay would have a hard time the names of her contacts so for one ‘poso negro’ contact, ate Mimi helped nanay by naming it HIGOP TAE.
Sam was shocked at the name and laughed hardly.
Nanay told one story last night.
“Yang si Butchoy eh sobrang dilat nyan nung araw. Dati eh nagtae yan ng isang araw. Dinala ko sa ospital eh ang sabi ng Doktor eh alalang-alala! Sabi ng doktor eh, ‘NAY! ILANG ARAW NA HO YANG NAGTATAE? BAKIT NGAYON NYO LANG DINALA?’ Dok isang araw lang. Madilat lang talaga.”
On our way to our wedding venue in Batangas, Tem, who was driving at the time, told us, “Kuya, gusto n’yo pumunta yung pinaka-magandang Starbucks sa Pilipinas?”
Being the big coffee lover that she is, Mitch exclaimed, “Sige!”
I was not convinced and asked my sister, “Baka naman inuuto mo lang kami ha?” It would of course be our treat if we stop by.
Tem laughed at the idea and told us, “Oo nga!”
“Weh?”
“Oo nga! Bahala ka!” she answered while laughing.
“Baka naman mamaya sabihin mo, nandito rin sa Tagaytay ang ‘Most Beautiful Jollibee branch’ ha?” I followed up.
“The Most Beautiful Starbucks” in Twin Lakes, Tagaytay City
Tatay is really getting fat and I wanted him to change his eating habits. One way of telling him off is by guilt shaming his food intake.
One time, I saw him scooped a lot of serving of rice for his little viand.
I told him, “Tay! Andami naman n’yan!”
Surprised, he answered, “Hindi ko kakainin ‘yan… Titignan ko lang oh,” and stared at his food.
“Kung titignan n’yo lang eh di picture-an na rin natin.”
Ate Pam, my eldest sister who has been based in Japan more than half her life seems to be slowly losing her command of the Philippine language. She would sometimes tell me, “Naiwan ang Ketai sa Kruma.” Naiwan ang celphone sa kotse. Last year, she was ordering a cup of coffee in Jollibee and she said, “Miss. Kape. Isa.” “Ma’am ano po?” asked the waitress. “Kape. Isa. Mainit.” Barok na?
Ronald and Atong decided to send their respective wedding suits in my balikbayan box in order to refrain from carrying these when they come home.
I specifically told Tem, “Tem yung mga suit kina Ronald at Atong yun ha. Yung kay Tatay bibitbitin ko palang.”
When the box arrived, Tem was upstairs but can hear nanay and tatay discussion downstairs.
Nanay: Eto na pala yung box!
Tatay: Nasan suit ko?
Nanay: Eto suit mo oh. Sukatin mo nga.
Tem immediately jumped and screamed in the staircase, “Hindi ho sa inyo yang suit! Kina kuya Ronald yan!”
Nanay: Hubad! Hubad!
Tatay: Kaya pala masikip.
Tem, my sister, is Mitch and I’s go to girl when it comes to checking the venues for our upcoming wedding.
“Tem, check mo naman yung church sa Tagaytay kung maganda nga,” I told her once.
“Kuya, sige bukas.”
“Sino kasama mo?” I asked.
“Kuya, kumpleto kami lagi. From lolo to apo, package deal kami.”
“Ah ok. Sige ingat kayo. Sana maganda yung church, no? Tell me kung magian downpayment. Pa-gasan ko na lang yung kotse.”
“Pano ba yan, kuya? Kakain din kami.”
The next day, “Kuya tapos na yung church. Kakain na kami,” Tem told me the next day.
“Ayus. Sige daan kayo ng drive thru,” I told.
“Ay! Naka-order na kami. Eto ang receipt,” she then attached a photo of a receipt for Php 1,500.00.
“Bulalo lang Php 1,500 na?!”
“Thank you, kuya!”
My niece has, apparently, have an Azkal suitor. Seriously: An Azkal suitor. One of the Football Players who represent the Philippines during different International matches.
Tem had to share this information to me, “Oo nga, kuya! Check mo dali!”
“Teka. Bakit parang mas kinikilig ka pa?” I asked her.
She even told my sisters.
“Wow! Talaga?” my sisters replied.
And of course, our mom, “Nay, yung apo n’yo may manliligaw na Azkal.”
“ANONG ASONG KALYE!?”
Funny Side Up 