Baduy Becomes Him

Jake, my college friend and OFW-mate, told me, “Na-a-appreciate ko na ang mga Filipino songs and programs,” when we met over the weekend.
“Ako rin,” I answered, “Dati nga nagtataka ako kung bakit ang mga galing abroad, mga Fil-Am, gusto nila mga baduy na kanta saka artista. Na-mi-miss lang pala nila ang Pilipinas.”
“Dati nga ‘di ako makapaniwala sa isang girl sa ABS-CBN, Fil-Am s’ya,” Jake told me, he used to work as a freelance personal staff for a production company in the Philippines, “Kinikilig na nag-pa-picture kay Sheryn Regis!”
“Nasan na nga ba ‘yun?” I asked him.
“Ewan ko,” he answered, “Anyway, ako may hawak ng camera, kitang kita kong kinikilig s’ya. Sa loob-loob ko nga, ‘Hello ate? Ni hindi nga ‘yan si Sarah Geronimo eh.’“
“So ngayon na-a-appreciate mo na?”
“Hindi naman. Naiintindihan ko lang sila.”

 

Kapatid, Ina, Apo

Ate Richie, my sister in the US, called me last night.

We updated each other on the news about Nanay’s health and everyone’s reaction to this. Nanay was diagnosed with kidney cyst: Please pray for her successful operation next week. 
We then arrived on the topic of Aki, my niece in Japan. Conversation goes like this…

Richie: Maiba ako, si Aki raw nakausap raw si Nanay.
Me: Talaga?
Richie: Oo, tumawag sila ni Mimi (our sister).
Me: Kamusta raw?
Richie: Eh ang sabi nga ni Mimi namimiss raw ni Aki si lola n’ya. Nalulungkot at pupunta nang Amerika at di na makikita si lola nya.
Me: Ay oo nga no? Pag-nagpunta na nanay d’yan (sa US), matagal na bago sila magkita ulit.
Richie: Eh di kausap nga ni Aki si lola nya sabi raw, “La, namimiss kita!” tapos sumagot raw ang nanay ng, “Miss na rin kita Aki,” bigla na raw sumigaw si Aki ng, “Naaawa ako sa’yo!” nagtanong daw ang lola n’ya, “Bakit?” tapos sabi raw ni Aki, “Kasi may sakit kaaahhhh!”
Me: Eh di hagulgol na ang nanay?
Richie: Oo. Alam mo naman ang nanay. Pero ang point ko – ang sweet ni Aki.
Me: Naku ate!… Bata pa ‘yang si Aki marunong nang mambola!
Richie: Pano mo nasabi?
Me: Tumawag ba naman si Tem nung birthday ni Aki. Nauna na akong tumawag.
Richie: Oh.
Me: Sabi ni Tem kay Aki namiss n’ya ang s’ya, tapos sumagot naman si Aki kay Tem, “Miss na rin kita, tita Tem. Sabi ko nga kay Tito sabihin sa’yo na miss kita eh.” Eh ‘di tinanong ako ni Tem, “Kuya may sinabi ba si Aki na namimiss n’ya ako?” Wala!
Richie: (laughs hysterically)

 

Willie of Fortune

During the Willie of Fortune segment of Wowowee last week, one contestant’s daughter was asked by Willie, “Anong masasabi mo sa nanay mo?”

“Nay!” said the daughter to her mom, “Maraming salamat po. Sa lahat po ng pagsisikap n’yo sa amin. Kahit na basura hinaharap n’yo para lang po may ipangtawid tayo sa pang-araw-araw. Pinipilit n’yo po makapag-aral kaming magkakapatid. Proud na proud po kami sa inyo,” she said sobbing.
Her mom is a basurera. All the contestants were people with livelihood connected to garbage collecting.

Willie, moved by the contestant’s daughter, asked the basurera mom, “Ano pong sasabihin n’yo?”
The mom, teary-eyed answered, “Binabati ko nga po pala lahat ng mga kaibigan kong nanonood ngayon…”

 

Tardiness Solution

“Ms. Deluz! Kapag nakita pa kita sa ibang class aside from my class, ibabagsak na kita sa Physics,” uttered our professor to Berna. She usually came late, missing the first class of the day then attends her other classes.
After those words of ultimatum, she never came late again. Well… not never… she did it once more… She arrived late one Monday morning, 2 months before the finals.
“Shet! Late nanaman ako. Absent nanaman ako sa Physics!”
“Paano yan?” We asked her.
She thought about it and said, “Uuwi na lang ako! Aabsent na lang ako buong araw,” and absence she did.
Atleast ‘di nakita sa ibang class.

 

Try-At-Loan Day

Two months ago, MJ, Ronald and I participated in Flora Grand Hotel’s Indoor Triathlon. It was 1 km  rowing machine, 1 km cross trainer and 1.5 km treadmill. “Any level you want but no holding the bars on the treadmill. Fastest to finish will win a one year membership in the gym,” said the gym instructor.

During the practices, there was this one Arab guy who was really making us eat his dust. He was damn fast! All three machines in 17 minutes! MJ and I could hardly make it by 19 minutes.

Boxing day. The Arab guy was up first. He sped thru the rowing and cross-training machines. He was tired after those two machines so when he was in the treadmill and blasted the speed to 15 he wasn’t able to catch his breath and held to the bars.

Ronald immediately whispered to the instructor, “Excuse me! He’s holding the bar.”
The instructor immediately told the Arab guy, “I’m sorry you can’t do that.”
So the Arab guy unheld the bars and almost fell. He stopped the treadmill and was disqualified.

Ronald told MJ, “Disqualified na. Mas malaki ang chance natin manalo.”
“Sumbungerong palaka!” Screamed MJ.

 

Fat Cycle

I met my sister last night; it was our weekly rendezvous. I noticed that her so-called “diet” still doesn’t work so I teased her by touching her tummy, “Ano to?”
She got irritated, “May regla ako, kaya ako namamaga!”
“Buong taon may regla?”

 

Christmas Cheer

Bing, my BDO ex-colleague and OFW-mate, will be assigned in Ras Al-Khaima, the northernmost Emirate, out of the 7 Emirates of UAE.
Filipinos are rarely assigned there, usually our kababayans would rather be posted in Dubai or in Abu Dhabi but Bing agreed with the assignment because it’ll be a good career move.

Before she moved, Bing knew what was coming her way: Solitaire; especially that her move will be on the first week of December.
“Anlungkot naman ng Pasko ko. Mag-isa lang ako sa RAK,” she self-pitied.
I needed to cheer her up so I answered, “Lahat naman tayo malungkot eh, basta isipin mo lang…. Mas malungkot ka.”

 

Fair Tem

“Kuya, dadalaw kami sa inyo (flat) sa Tuesday ha?” Tem told me, “Magluto kayo ha?”
“Teka! Teka! Teka! Pag kami dadalaw sa inyo, kakain tayo sa labas, ako ang magbabayad… Tapos ‘pag dadalaw ka sa amin, magluluto kami?” Hey! That’s unfair.
She laughed then answered, “Ganun talaga.”

 

British English

“Di ko sure kung ma-re-receive ko ‘yung e-mail sa akin ng kausap kong Briton,” I told Zinnia.
“Bakit?” she asked.
“Paano ang sabi n’ya and surname ko raw eh Beldedayra. Di ko sure kung tama ‘yung ise-send n’ya,” I answered, “Nakakaasar ang mga Briton, mali-mali ang English nila. Manong sabihin ng maayos ang mga letters”
She chuckled, “Sila pa ba ang mali? Eh ikaw nga lang ang nanghihiram ng salita nila.”

 

Batang Berdugo 2

I called up Akemi, my niece in Japan, today because it’s her birthday.

“Aki! Happy Birthday!”
“Thank you po, Tito,” she answered.
“Ilang taon ka na?”
“Six.”
“Miss mo na Tito?”
“Opo,” she then followed it up with a few suck up lines, “Kapag namatay nga si Mama, sa’yo ko gusto tumira eh.”
Then I heard my sister in the background, “Put@!#$%! Pinatay mo na agad Mama mo!”