Lecheng Face

Since my brother-in-law, knows that my sister uses various ingredients as beauty regiments, he asked her via Skype, “Mahal, what’s on your face right now?”
“It’s calamansi,” she answered.
“You don’t put the egg anymore?” her husband asked.
“No,” she answered, “I’ll be cooking leche flan on my face later.”

 

Payabangan: Land of Milk and Honey

“Siguro ang yaman-yaman mo na,” Ate Richie told Ate Mimi.
“Oo mayaman na yan!” I answered for her, “Sa abroad kasi pinupulot lang ang pera.”
“Sa amin nga sa Amerika, kapag labas ko ng bahay nauuntog ako sa bundok-bundok na pera,” Ate Richie sarcastically answered.
“Sa Japan, talagang umuulan ng pera. Pagbukas mo ng pinto andun na yung pera sa labas.”
“Sa Dubai nga ang ulan imbes na tubig, gasolina eh. Pag-nag-fa-flush kami gasolina lang ang fina-flush namin. Andaming pera sa ibang bansa.”
“Eh ako nga pag nag-c-CR ang tissue ko dollars.”
“Wallpaper namin pera.”

 

US Balikbayan Box from Dubai

A day after I arrived, the balikbayan box of Ate Richie from the US arrived.
Miggy, my nephew, unknowing of where people are and who things are from kept thanking me, “Thank you, Tito, sa car! Thank you sa book! Wow! Barel! Thank you, Tito!”

“Hoy! Sa Tita Chie mo yan galing!” Nanay screamed, “Lagot ka nanaman dun!”
Since I only brought him a small robot from Dubai, I did not deny it, “You’re welcome, Miggy!”

 

English Breakfast

Nanay and ate Richie are back on US soil.

While Skype-ing last night, ate Mimi heard that Ate Richie and Nanay were speaking in English on the other side.
Ate Mimi told ate Pam and I, “Kaya sumasakit ang ulo ni Nanay eh. Di pa nag-aalmusal nag-e-Englishan na sila sa Amerika.”

 

Driving Power

“Gusto ko tabi ni Tito,” Miguel cried as his mommy is not in the Philippines anymore.
“Sa tabi na lang ni Tita Chie?” we asked him. He ignored it.

“Parang alam n’ya kung sino ang in power. Marunong ata sumipsip,” I asked ate Richie.
“Baka dahil nag-da-drive ka?” Ate asked.
“Yun din ang iniisip ko eh,” I answered.
“Sige, bukas mag da-drive ako around Plaridel (Subdivision) isasakay ko s’ya para alam n’yang ako eh nag-da-drive din,”  ate Richie thought.
“Tama,” I answered, “Ibig sabihin ba nito eh dapat pinag-da-drive din natin si Jo (Yaya)?”

 

Volume Classification

After observing that almost everybody in our family has loud voices with all the screaming around the house, Ate Richie told me, “Ang lalakas ng boses natin ano? Sigawan ng sigawan sa bahay na ‘to.”
“Ganoon talaga, ate, pag mayaman,” I boasted, “Kasi pag mahirap ka, maliit lang ang bahay n’yo, ‘di mo kailangang sumigaw kasi konting salita lang maririnig na. Eh kapag malaki ang bahay, kailangang sumigaw para marinig sa kabilang dulo ng bakuran.”
“May punto ka d’yan,” my sister agreed.

Volume is directly proportional to household income.

 

Crawling Miggy

In the middle of the night Miggy crawled up from the floor, away from Tem and crept beside Ate Richie. They were all bunking in the same room.
Tem woke up in sometime later and panicky screamed at Ate Richie, “Ate! Ang anak ko! Nawawala!

Richie and Tem

 

World Record Breaking Flight

Before she could even land in Narita Airport Ate Richie, among other passengers, learned that a strong earthquake shook Japan. Their flight was diverted to two other airports before they could finally land back in Narita.
After staying for more than 31 hours inside the Delta Flight, the flight attendant announced, “With 31 hours together, I think we are more than a family here.”

“Yun na ang pinakamahaba kong flight sa buong buhay ko. Wala nang tatalo ‘dun. 31 hours,” she told me this morning.
I then told my friends, “Okay na rin ‘yun kesa 127 hours.”

 

 

Japan Welcomes Richie

Being a Filipino that finds humor on a tragedy, my eldest sister, Ate Pam, told the first-time visitor Ate Richie, “Special ka talaga, Chie! Buong Japan niyanig sa pagdating mo.”

 

iPhone Wish

“Bakit ba kasi nangako ka ng iPhone sa mga bata?” I asked ate Richie. She has promised our nieces that she’ll give them iPhones for Christmas but when she realized how expensive a unit is priced, she told them that she can’t.
“Eh kasi naman ‘di ko naman alam na ganun pala kamahal ‘yun!” she answered.
“Kasi kasi kasi!”
“Si Aki ang una kong tinanong, after mapanood ko ‘yung video n’ya, naawa na ako. Kasi parang mahiyain na s’ya…

…Ang hinihiling n’ya lang ‘dress’. Simpleng simple. Akala ko ang mga baluga sa Cavite eh dress lang din ang hihilingin… Aba iPhone daw!”