Remember This Day

“Will you help me with this?” I asked my colleague.
“Yes,” he answered, “But I need to finish this first.”
“Really? So you won’t help me now?”
“No.”
“Ok. Remember this day.”

 

Office Pasalubong

“Orlee, what did you get us?” my team mates asked me.
“Ummm… extra hands for work, a lighter job… Taking away some tasks assigned to you,” I answered.
“Fair enough.”

 

Expiry Date

I told the receptionist in my gym, “I’ll expire on the 14th.”
“No! Don’t say that!” she answered.

She was Indian and I forgot that for Indians, EXPIRE only means one thing: death.

When I realized this,  I told her, “Well… You can never say, right?”
“That’s true,” she smiled answering.

After I renewed earlier this evening, I told her, “So… When will I expire again?”
She laughed.

 

Made in the Philippines

Sanay (pronounced: Sa-ney), my Indian colleague asked me, “Orlee, what is the prime export of the Philippines?”

I then contemplated, when  I was in elementary I knew it was some sort of agricultural product. Was it rice? Corn? Then came the Industrial Park Developments. Did it become electronic items? Semi-conductors? I was really not sure… Then the light bulb lit up in my head. As chocolate is to Switzerland, it was labor force for the Philippines.

So I answered, “Migrant Workers.”
He chuckled and asked, “Seriously?”
“Yes,” I’m afraid so.

I remembered this one song from the now defunct show Tropang Trumpo (to the tune of Handog ng Pilipino): Handog ng Pilipino sa mundo: Contract workers, alipin at agogo…

 

Boogerman 2

When summer almost reached its peak here in Dubai, I was doing my favorite hobby in the back of the (service) van to work, calling the operator.
Not realizing that doing so might break the sensitive tissues inside my nose, I dialled, again and again. I was enjoying when I realize something dripping, NOSEBLEED!
I reached for my hanky but it wasn’t there. GREAT! Of all the days to forget your hanky! Yuck! Nangungulangot ka ng walang panyo. <Please, save your side comments on the comments section>
So I screamed, “Who has tissue?” to my Indian colleagues.
“Why?” they asked while turning to the back and when they saw me, they immediately handed me a bunch of tissue papers.

During the whole morning, I kept on checking my nose if there is still blood. One van-mate approached me, “The doctor (our colleague) said that your nose bleed was because of the heat.”
I, didn’t know this, answered, “Yeah, that’s right!” Yun pala ang magandang reason kesa sa ‘picking my nose’.

 

Fashion Icon

In the sea of Indian Saris in the office, Zinnia‘s regular corporate attire stands out.
If she wears a new piece, like a jacket or a new blouse, she would be approached 10x or more, “Where did you buy this? Do I have a size?”
She jokingly told me, “Magtatayo na ako ng business sa India: fashion consultant.”

 

Kerala

It was just two weeks after I started working for my company that I received a company memo:

Please help yourself with some sweets in the pantry from Kerala.

I thought to myself, “Wow! This Kerala person is really nice.” Little did I know that Kerala was a place in India. My Indian colleagues all laughed at me when I told them this.

Malay ko bang lugar ‘yun?

 

Ind vs Phi

Two years ago, I posted ‘Jap vs Phi’ after I came back from my one week trip from the Land of the Rising Sun.

This time, I decided to orient everybody the difference between Indian-English and Philippine-English…

Ind: What to do?

Phi: What should I do with these?

***

Ind: How are you?

Phi: Hi!

***

Ind: Tell me.

Phi: How may I help you?

***

Ind at 4pm: Good evening!

Phi at 4pm: Good afternoon!

***

Ind: Snap me.

Phi: Take a pik-choor of me.

 

That Thing 2

I never thought this entry could have a 2nd installment but here goes:

Because I got used to the constant ‘That Thing’ of my colleague, I had a great deal of a problem when she asked, “Orlee, have you sent, the, the  THAT Certificate?”

“Which certificate?” I asked her.

“That certificate!” she screamed, “The one for the client!”

I crammed and searched for any certificate on my desk, ‘Did I forget to send any certificate?’, ‘Did I send it?’ ‘Do I have any pending certificates?!’ ‘Orlee, think! Think!’ when she told me, “Orlee? The DEATH Certificate, have you sent it?”

“Ooohhh! Death Certificate,” I then realized.

 

You’re Brushing

In the Philippines, the lunch breaks in the office consists of well… eating lunch, brushing your teeth and grooming. You’ll be ridiculed if you don’t do step number 2. (Yuck! Di ka nag-toothbrush?!)

Here in Dubai, it’s a different story. I usually sneak out (!) to the bathroom (they call it bathroom) to brush my teeth as to not be ridiculed or questioned. I guess Indians and Pakistanis are not used to people brushing their teeth in the public toilet.

If they ever catch me, they would usually tell me these lines:

1. You’re brushing your teeth? Why like that?

2. (While flossing) Orlando, trying to remove your teeth?

3. No! You should not brush your teeth more than twice a day! The enamel will get weak.

4. Can’t you brush your teeth at home?

5. You’re brushing your teeth? That’s a good habit. (But I’m not doing it)