Nay, Damit Ko?

“Orlee, bakit nakita ko yung binigay ko sayong damit nasa Nanay mo na? Nakita ko sa Facebook,” Jade asked me.
“Ah yung Mango (brand)?” I asked, “Nakuha ni Nanay eh.”
“Paanong nakuha?”
“Nagustuhan ko kasi talaga yun so dinala ko sa Pinas nung huling uwi ko,” I told him, “Tapos kinabukasan bukas na maleta ko,” Then I told Jade this…

Orlee: Nay, nasa na ho mga laman ng maleta ko?
Nanay: Ahhh… Napamigay ko na.
Orlee: Yung t-shirt ko?
Nanay: Nakatago na sa aparador… ko.

Jade just laughed as he understood what had happened.

 

Red Wine Retirement Plan

I went to a real estate showcase last night .

During the opening spiel, the presentor showed various “cliche-ic” retirement photos: Travel, having fun in the beach, old people having wine, walking into the sunset and all that.
Then she said, “Sino gusto nito?”
We all answered, “Gusto rin namin ng red wine.”

 

Breastfeeding in the Mall

“May nakita akong nag-be-breastfeed sa mall! Hindi ba bawal yun?” Tina asked.
“Hindi naman bawal,” I answered, “Basta sanggol ang dumedede.”
“Sanggol naman,” Tina answered, “Buti na lang.”

 

Of Money and Gold Bars

“Jake, kamusta ka na?” I called up my friend this morning.
“Eto ayus lang,” he answered.
“Siguro ang yaman-yaman mo na.”
“Oo naman,” Jake answered, “Eto nga oh… Nakahiga ako sa limpak limpak na pera,” he added sarcastically.
“Talaga?” I had to come back on him, “Buti ka pa. Masakit kasi matulog sa gold bars. Matigas sa likod.”

 

 

Malditang Mabait

“Tulungan naman nating tong isa kong friend galing BDO. Naghahanap sya ng work dito sa UAE,” I told Ronald and Ness.
“Sige,” Ronald answered.
“Send mo naman sa kanya sample ng CV mo. Para makopya nya ang format,” I asked him.
“Sige. Ano ba email nya?”
“Mabait kasi yun. Kaya tulungan natin. Anong email nya? Maldita_something@yahoo.com,” I answered.
“Mabait!? Tapos maldita!?” They both screamed.

 

Tito and His Gadgets

“Miggy, aalis na si Tito. Babalik na ako sa Dubai,” I told my little nephew.
“Tito… Dadalhin mo ang iPad?”
“Oo.”
“Eh yung iPod na may monkey,” he meant the iPod Touch with the Temple Run app.
“Yes.”
“Yung laptop na may Angry Birds movie,”  he meant the youtube videos with the Angry Birds’ movie parodies. He watch these using my laptop.
“Yes din,” I answered.
He disappointedly screamed, “Naaay!”

 

Payabangan: Land of Milk and Honey

“Siguro ang yaman-yaman mo na,” Ate Richie told Ate Mimi.
“Oo mayaman na yan!” I answered for her, “Sa abroad kasi pinupulot lang ang pera.”
“Sa amin nga sa Amerika, kapag labas ko ng bahay nauuntog ako sa bundok-bundok na pera,” Ate Richie sarcastically answered.
“Sa Japan, talagang umuulan ng pera. Pagbukas mo ng pinto andun na yung pera sa labas.”
“Sa Dubai nga ang ulan imbes na tubig, gasolina eh. Pag-nag-fa-flush kami gasolina lang ang fina-flush namin. Andaming pera sa ibang bansa.”
“Eh ako nga pag nag-c-CR ang tissue ko dollars.”
“Wallpaper namin pera.”

 

Rebellion Against the Norms

“Wendy’s tayo!” I asked Joy.
“Sige!” she answered.
“Libre mo naman para mabago na ang cliché na laging OFW ang nanlilibre,” I tried a new trick on her.
“Ay! Hindi. Ikaw pa rin,” she ignored my suggestion to be off-beat and not follow the norms, “Sabi ni Reineer marami ka raw pera.”
“Ha? Saan nya naman nakuha yung idea na yun?”

 

US Balikbayan Box from Dubai

A day after I arrived, the balikbayan box of Ate Richie from the US arrived.
Miggy, my nephew, unknowing of where people are and who things are from kept thanking me, “Thank you, Tito, sa car! Thank you sa book! Wow! Barel! Thank you, Tito!”

“Hoy! Sa Tita Chie mo yan galing!” Nanay screamed, “Lagot ka nanaman dun!”
Since I only brought him a small robot from Dubai, I did not deny it, “You’re welcome, Miggy!”

 

Male Cynthia Patag

“Di na kasya,” I told Marish and Ronald. I was talking about the stuff monkey my sister,  Tem, told me to bring home.
Marish had a bright idea, “Hand carry mo na lang!”
“Cynthia Patag!!?!?!?!” I screamed back.
“Hindi!” She answered, “Sa hand luggage! Ang laking tao may hawak na stuff toy!”