Izumi’s Showtime

My niece posted this on my Facebook wall…

Clicked it and laughed my ass off so hard. Here she is! First time on Philippine TV!

 

 

Brush for the Chicken

Since Arn-arn cannot find a decent brush to use for the sauce (to spread it on the friend chicken) he logically used the next best thing… an unused toothbrush. Imagine a toothbrush dipped in a sauce beside a chicken on a buffet table.

 

One thing’s for sure though, it’s very unappetizing.

 

Crazy Word

My Indian colleagues taught me some dirty Indian words. One was “Chutiya” which means crazy.

So when I kept referring to Sharad, the one who taught me, “Chutiya, come here…”,  “Thanks, Chutiya…”  and things like that he finally told me the story of Latshiva.

Latshiva was a god who gave a right to a steward to kill anyone, anything, anytime. When the steward decided to kill Latshiva himself, Latshiva saw that there was a loophole in his rules. 

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked Sharad.
“Because I was the one who taught you these words and you are using it on me,” he answered.
“So what are you saying?” I had to ask.
“Don’t tell me these. To others, you can but not to me, ok?” he wanted me to affirm.
“Ok… Chutiya.”

 

Punto por Punto

After a very convincing sales pitch of the salesman from Carriefor, I told Ronald, “May punto yung lalake.”
“Magaling s’ya magbenta?”
“Hindi! Punto – accent. Parang Arabic.”

 

InZpired

Feeling the pressure of our job, I reminded Zinnia today, “Huy! Check mo bank account mo! Sweldo na. Para naman may passion ka nang mag-trabaho.”
“Ay oo nga pala! Para naman sipagin akong mag-OT sa Sabado,” she answered.

After a few minutes, Z came back to me and said, “May sweldo na nga! Nakaka-inspire na magtrabaho.”

 

Nota for Tem

“May ka-choir ako, nagpa-tattoo sa paa ng nota!” I told my sister.
“Imposible ‘yan! Nota!? Bastos!” She answered.
“Tem, nota – notes! Halatang masyadong ka nang nahahalubilo sa mga bading. Ang meaning ng nota sa’yo yung ano lang!”
She laughed at her mistake and answered, “Oo nga! Note nga pala sa music ang nota!”

 

iPad Limit Every Month

I have a 1 GB plan every month for my iPad.
“33 MB ako per day,” I told Ronald and Atong.
“Huwag mong bilangin! Paano ka mag-e-enjoy sa pag-internet mo sa iPad?” Ronald told me.
“Eh sa ganun ako nag-e-enjoy eh.” I told them, “Paano ako mag-e-enjoy kung alam kong lampas ako sa limit ko everymonth at magmamahal ang bayad ko? Hindi panatag ang loob ko.”
They just laughed.

 

Rebook Shoes

“Gusto ko Rebook!” Ronald answered. He was looking for a pair of sneakers.
“Ticket ba yun sa eroplano na na-kansel?” I asked.
“Rebook ang gusto ko eh.”
“Reebok!”

 

Rise of the Planet of the Smurfs & Aliens

“Orlee, wala ba kayong ticket ng premier night ng Rise of the Planet of the Apes?” Arn-arn asked me.
“Ako? Ticket?” I asked.
“Oo, di ba? Kayo? Rise of the Planet of the Apes?” he reaffirmed.
“Ticket? Wala. Bakit?” I asked again but I’m kind of getting the joke.
“Ay wala?…… Bakit?” Our choirmates were laughing already.
He got me so I retaliated, “Congrats sa Smurfs! Very successful daw. Maganda rin and Cowboys & ALIENS n’yo.”

 

Vertical Stripes

For last week’s choir uniform, it was decided that we’ll wear vertically striped-top.

Since Joy, the Musical Director didn’t have a vertically striped shirt, she has decided to wear her diagonally striped top.
“Eh wala akong vertical eh. Ganito na lang, ” she tilted her shoulders and acted as if conducting and said, “I-ko-conduct ko na lang kayo ng patabingi para naman maging veritical.”

One problem solved.

But we were all worried about Kay, who was wearing a horizontally striped shirt.
“Hihiga na lang s’ya habang kumakanta.”

“Bwisit talaga! Sabi ng officemate ko talaga pahiga ang vertical stripe!” Kay screamed frustratingly.