The Ramon Bautista Retweet

• ano nga uli ang sport ni sporty spice?
• time for some MSG-based food
• dapat kasuhan ng littering tong mga nag-iipit ng flyers sa wiper ng kotse e
• “YOU CANNOT EYES ME ANYMORRRE!” (di nyo na ako pwedeng matahin) – robin padilla in Manila Boy
• “may something sila” is the new “MU”
• kulang ako sa kakilalang malandi at sagana sa kaibigang manyak. bow.
• may precinct ba sa mga presinto? you know, para makaboto yung mga preso
• adventurous na ba pag umaalis ng bahay without making jebs first?
• malungkot maging kulot noong 90s kasi di pwede gawing keempee ang buhok
• anong tagalog ng clue?
• daig ng malandi ang maganda
• ano yang mga pillow-pillow na yan sa facebook? natutulak pababa yung mga testi ko
• kung di panay street fighter inatupag ko nung highschool, magaling na siguro ako mag gitara o magbasketbol ngayon

Follow him at http://twitter.com/ramonbautista

 

Breach (In Retrospect)

Time flies really fast!

It has been a year already since I have posted this blog entry on my previous account, Funny Side of the Story in friendster (for real?), and look at where we are now, well not we, just Tem:

Nanay told my sister, “Umuwi ka na, wag mo nang tapusin ‘yang kontrata mo d’yan sa Dubai!”
Tem answered, “Nay kailangan ko ng 2,000 US Dollars dahil ‘di ko tatapusin ang contract. Penalty plus Airplane Ticket…”
Nanay knew other ways than to pay the amount so she advised Tem, “Manapak ka na lang d’yan para ipa-deport ka nalang ng amo mo!”

This morning, I called up Tem, who’s now in the Philippines, “Kamusta?”
“Kuya! Ang itim-itim ko na!”
“Bakit?” I asked.
“Kakahabol kay Miguel. Saka nag-swimming kami ‘di ba?”
“Eh atleast magkasama na kayong mag-ina. Huwag kang magpapalosyang masyado ha?”

 

White Shoes

“Kailangan ko na bang bumili ng white shoes?” I asked my flatmate then showed my left foot.

My Dubai choir at times, requires us to wear all white (shoes included) and I asked Ronald if I really need to replace my pair.
“Ok ka lang?” he asked.
“Konting rugby, papel at sinulid lang ‘to,” I told him.
“OFW ka! Mahiya ka sa paa mo.”

 

Bubot Airline

Ate Bubot, my Dubai Choirmate, is one of the worst drivers I’ve known. She would get lost on the same street she had traversed for so many years over and over again. It’s as if some nuno sa punso had possessed her car.
Her parking is even worse. She would roam the mall’s whole parking area and never find her car… ever… again.

Yesterday during practice, this fact was brought up once more by one choirmate.
“Si Ate Bubot ‘di pwedeng piloto,” one choirmate announced.
Everybody laughed and immediately got the joke.
“We are about to land in Caticlan Airport,” for a Manila-bound flight.

 

Video Mode

You have to be very still so that the picture will look good… Wait… Video Mode!?!

And another:

 

Facebook Kulitan

There are times when I am in the mood to play with my facebook status and there are times when I am really serious. It’s fun how we can connect with friends with a simple side comment. Here are some funny comments to my facebook statuses: (Merong pumapatol sa kalokohan ko. Meron namang napakalayo ng mga comments.)

1. Orlee defies gravity.
Ayma: Pati ba naman gravity sinuway mo?

2. Orlee should keep away from Christmas songs. “Don’t torture yourself!”
Kuya Mark: Never been a problem for me.
Orlee: Hannukah songs for you. (He’s a Jew)
Kuya Mark: Exacto! “I had a little dreidle, I made it out of clay.”

3. Orlee is trying to solve Poverty in the Philippines.
Gee-Ann: haha…magwelga n kc sa malacanang!!! bkit kylngan my ofw p!! welga!! welga!!! welga!!! dpat illegal drugs nlang iexport ntin sa ibang bansa pra umasenso nman pinas…..har^har^ mbuhay mga adiktus!!

4. Orlee’s happy he saw GI Joe on the big screen. Ganda! Taob ang Transformers 2! Can’t wait for GI Joe’s Apartment.
David: Di ba mauuna muna yung GI Joe The Mango bago yan?

5. Orlee joined Christian Voices Chorale in St. Mary’s Church today. Singing career revival.
X: wow x.. put sunscreen hehe

6. Orlee says, “Kailangang ubusin ang lettuce baka mapanis.”
X: Hindi baka mapanis, baka mabulok.
Orlee: X, wag nating pigilan ang lettuce kung gusto n’yang mapanis.

7. Orlee, “Please remind me again why am I here?”
Dudz: Gusto mo kasing maging bagong bayani? Gusto mong gumamit ng OFW Sim Pack. Aaahhh, mahilig ka sa camel.

8. Orlee is happy for Rio (winning the Olympic bid)
Dudz: Parang friends lang kayo ano?

9. Orlee ay tanga. Inupuan ang laptop. Ayun nag-crack ang screen. Gastos nanaman! Lesson: Wag tanga.
Gee-Ann: Sosyal naman ng upuan…

10. Orlee: Punta naman tayong Dubai Mall. Mag-ubos tayo ng pera.
Jun: haha,kung dito yan “mag sm naman tayo,mag ubos tayo ng ORAS” HAHA

 

The Toothbrush Story

“Nay! Akalain n’yong magiging US Immigrant kayo ano? Dati lang kayong namumulot ng sepilyo sa tabing dagat,” I told my nanay.
“Oo nga eh. Anak, i-kwento mo nga ‘yung kwento ko na ‘yun. Ilagay mo nga ‘yun sa blog-blog mong ‘yan,” Nanay suggested so here’s the story:

Little Cora was in Grade 4 when her teacher said, “Oh magkakaroon tayo ng exchange gift ha?” during the Christmas season that year.
Cora used to live only on nipa huts near the sea (This was the beach in Bacoor, Cavite. “Dating white sand ‘yan,” was what nanay always told us before the construction of the Coastal Road destroyed its beauty); hence, they were not well off. Aling Pinang (my lola) only sold fish in the market while Agaton (my late lolo) was a fisherman. Cora had more than 10 siblings and a Christmas exchange gift was too far to be seen in the horizon.
When her teacher announced this, she knew she could never afford an exchange gift.
Being the witty little girl that she was, she always noticed things washed up in the beach: slippers, plastic bags, used toothbrush among others.
Cora picked up nasty-looking-used-eradicating-toothbrushes and wrapped them in Christmas wrappers. Voila! Christmas gift!

A few days later, while Cora was enjoying her tsitsiriya (the exchange gift that she received), Pinang was called to the school and learned that the classmate who received Cora’s gift was crying badly. Waaahhhh!!! Bulok na toothbrush!!!!

 

Miguel Update

Before Tem left for the Philippines, she rarely called home, so I gave her some far from home update:
“Tem! Ang laki na raw ni Miguel!”
“Talaga!?” she asked excitedly.
“Mabilis na raw tumakbo!”
“Wow!”
“Matalino na raw!”
“Dougel ko!”
“Dimonyo na raw! Nananapak!”
She stopped smiling and said, “Talang panghuli ‘yun ano?”

 

Future American Citizen

“Magiging American Citizen na ako,” I told my flatmate.
“Talaga?”
“Oo!” I boastfully answered, “Kasi nanay ko nakuha na ni ate Richie, ibig sabihin pag pinetition n’ya ako today, mga 20 years na lang American Citizen na ako.”
“Ang tagal naman nun!” Ronald answered, “20 years!?”
“Atleast magiging American Citizen. Eh ikaw? After 20 years ba magiging American Citizen ka?”
“Hindi.”

 

On Her Way to the Top

Bing lives in the 6th floor of her Ras Al-Khaima building. Unfortunately for most condominium occupants, the usual problem is a broken elevator and this is her fair share:

Work day. Tiring. Stressful. A broken lift. A Filipino couple, also on their way up. Conversing. She overheard, “Buti na lang sa 3rd floor lang tayo. Kawawa naman ang nasa 6th floor.”
Even though she doesn’t know the couple, she couldn’t contain herself and interrupted, “Ako yun!”